Ha, so as those of you that are friends with me on Facebook might have noticed- last week was my 2 year cancerversary!!!
What even my friends on Facebook won’t know, is that I forgot it! I had to look at the calendar to figure out what day two years ago I was diagnosed. I think that’s hilarious!!! It’s a bit like forgetting your own birthday, your wedding anniversary or any other significant date in your life.
Not only did I forget when it was, but I also forgot that it was my actual anniversary…it’s only when I was talking to one of my cancer friends about cancer related schmalocks, that I realised that it had been two years. Haha- suppose that’s what happens when you are busy living.
This years cancerversary is in stark contrast to last years’…last year I was in the midst of a 3 month stay in a psychiatric hospital- as I was unable to physically pull myself out of the sludge that I found myself in as a result of my breast cancer diagnosis and my ex-boyfriend breaking up with me half way through it, in a less than gentlemanly way!
Last year I found it difficult to concentrate on the most simple tasks- be it read a book, knit, or complete a crossword puzzle! I also found it extremely difficult to spend time by myself- being alone, meant having time to dwell on what had happened, and worry about what might happen- instead if just enjoying the presence. I was stuck in a hamster wheel- concentrating on the same things over and over again, unable to get out of this exhausting rut. Ultimately I was just not enjoying life, as I wasn’t living, but existing, existing in fear.
This year, its very much the opposite, I am travelling around, working, hitting sales targets and spending quite a bit if time by myself. Now, the time that I spend by myself is not me sitting in a corner pitying myself, nor am I just sitting on the sofa watching “Pointless”. I am going to the gym, running along the canal (must find a running club), driving up and down the country to see my friends. I would spend more time with my friends- but seeing that they live scattered around the world, this is kinda difficult! I suppose I could do an around the world trip 😀…. In the meantime I try to see my friends as much as possible.
I still have concentration issues- think they were always there, and were heightened through chemotherapy and the cancer worries. I no longer am stuck in the hamster wheel, well I hardly think about breast cancer… Sometimes, when their is less positive news about a fellow cancer friend, either because of spread or them passing away, then the fear mobily gets going again…but it’s more easily silenced now! And to quote a previously posted picture “worrying won’t stop the bad stuff from happening, but it will stop you enjoying the good stuff”. (And for those that told me to stop worrying before- you can’t just switch it off…you gotta learn to handle it…and then it switches if by itself!!)
This year has been one of finding a silver lining- my silver lining in this cancer malachie is raising awareness of breast cancer, finding a way to introduce charitable work into my work place, and starting to travel again. Ultimately my silver lining is learning to live, enjoy it and doing something worthwhile with life. It doesn’t mean that every cancer patient must go out and raise awareness, run zillions of marathons and travel the world- although it does seem a lot of us do that. One can also finally pursue ones career ambitions, build a house, or go back to college.
This year has also been a year of prioritising- looking at my work life balance- or rather lack of. Before I had cancer I always, always put work first- I would not go on holiday, not see my friends, and even not go to the Dr.’s because it did not suite my working hours. Funnily enough this did not always reflect in my numbers. This year I have concentrated on ensuring that I do go on holidays, that I do see my friends, that I do go to the Gym, and my numbers are better than they were before.
I suppose, I have found myself!
Before I go, a big massive thank you to my friends and family that have supported me throughout and since my breast cancer diagnosis. Big shout out out to all that have supported my running antics in aid of CoppaFeel!- you will find me running one more Half-Marathon this year- 4 is enough for my first year of running them! Donations are still greatly appreciated 😉.
So “Happy Cancerversary”; to life, to living, screw cancer!!